You know, I thought why not take a break from regular blog topics and share with you guys some of the craziest things people have said to me when trying to approach me for work. Nasty, mean commenters get the most limelight for being ridiculous/crazy/what-went-wrong-with-them when it comes to blogging, but there’s a completely different behind-the-scenes side that has its fair share of the cuckoo action too.
I thought about a few of the really absurd things brands/PR people have said to me when trying to talk about a potential partnership and here I am sharing these gems with you. While there’s a lot of generic bs that people pull across the board when it comes to sourcing bloggers (not respecting time, imagining you’re sunbathing with a margarita half of your life, etc), the ones I’m sharing today are actual individual incidents. I wish I’d get frustrated by all of this but it’s just that it’s all so bloody entertaining, lulz. (Btw the people I actually end up working with are fab, so all of this is just a crumb out of the whole pie).
1. We would love for you to review our products but we don’t have the budget to send you stuff. Can you please buy things from our website and review them?
Serving now, a large portion of lunacy with mild delusion on the side.
LOLOLOLOLOLOL. I mean. What? Quick, time-efficient, non-violent response to this terrible pitch: No. I’m still recovering from the fact that someone actually physically typed that and then sent it out into the universe.
But you know I’ve got to give credit to that person for courage and innovation. I’d never heard something like that before and if they managed to bravely pitch and then rope in a blogger for this, then bravo. I’d give a raise to that employee.
2. We can’t pay you but we’ll give you great exposure. We’ll post about you on all our channels and you’ll get lots of followers and we’ll consider a long term partnership too.
That’s pretty much like me going to your store and saying, “Hey, I don’t have money to buy your shit so can you give it to me for free? I’ll wear it to every hangout with all of my friends and give you great exposure”. No. This kind of stuff does work for new bloggers, to be honest, but when a PR person who is aware of the kind of work you do and still suggests that, then, goodbye.
3. We want to send product to you but don’t want to pay shipping to Dubai. Can you pay for it?
Particularly delightful when such a message comes your way on a Monday; you’re starting your week with a dead soul and the angel of absurdity comes knocking. The thing that amazes me the most: How silly some brands can be when using their marketing budgets. Shipping costs to the UAE from Pakistan are literally between PKR 1000-2000 and considering the kind of exposure a product gets and the sales that result from that said exposure, are literally pennies when it comes to the bigger picture. But what good would a pitch be if it didn’t come with the lack of a longer term insight? I was so glad that person asked me that question though, because I deleted that email so fast I was almost ready for the Olympics.
(Casual advice: If you’re serious about sending your product to a blogger who you believe will help you with an honest review and eventual sales, you need to pay for shipping (and any other associated) costs even if they’re situated within the Arctic Circle. Yes, even if you’re a small startup, this is investment into your brand, not charity, so do it selectively, but do it)
4. I haven’t read your blog but you have many followers so can you promote us?
To be honest, not everyone who works with you has to have read your blog (although I am a person of passion and I am always more inclined towards someone who has an equal drive to work with me, as I have with them). But when you begin your email with the WORST possible line of all times (I’m literally laughing to myself right now), there’s not very far you’ll get with a serious blogger. Don’t need to fangirl/boy on anyone, but at the minimum take the time to understand what I do by browsing through a few posts? And if you don’t want to, at least don’t start your email with that. #peaceout
5. Hi blogger, love your blog.
Ok very honestly, this has happened more than once but really you can’t be a serious PR/marketing person if you’re sending out emails with the person addressed as “blogger”. I usually prefer to reply with “hi, chocolate muffin” (because imagining that error was committed by an innocent but well-meaning muffin is the only way I can accept that transgression).
6. Your charges are too high for us, can we meet halfway? *Slashes to 1/4th of the price*
My coverage results in your revenue which is almost always much higher than what you pay me so shut up and pay me.
7. Hi, I’d like to work with you? Urgent!! Sends follow-up email an hour later. Proceeds to inbox on Facebook, DM on Instagram, message on Snapchat, tweet, another follow-up email, messages a mutual friend (really?!?), sends message to my private Facebook profile, all in a matter of less than 24 hours.
And when I reply, despite all my combined senses warning me against, gets back to me after TWO days. Ginormous lulz, goodbye forever.
I couldn’t think of more right now but if you’re ever looking for entertainment, bring over some coffees and we’ll spend some time in my inbox, YAS. Also, it’s hard to choose but I think no. 1 is my personal favorite. What’s yours? 😛