Double standards. Fascinating, aren’t they? Sometimes due to a lack of testicular organs, sometimes a product of the clash of the ovaries. Whatever the glorious reason, they stink up our lives, are archaic as hell and need to go.
So I curated this list of some double standards we’ve all been guilty of at one point or the other: Same situation, different people, opposite reaction. I’ll list a situation and then the stereotypical response that usually follows. OBVIOUSLY, I’M GENERALIZING AND NOT EVERYONE DOES THAT SO DON’T BE A KABOOTAR and read on.
Disclaimer: I’m not dissing any gender. I’m dissing the stereotype because the double standard bazooka is fired by both men and women alike. So please be chillin’ and let’s use the following information to improve our collective lives.
Brother pulls shit at home: “Boys will be boys”.
Sister does the same: “Stop this. What are you going to do when you’re married?”
The girl is 12 but shadi boot camp needs to start early, bros.
Girl crying: “Aww baby! What happened?”
Guy crying: “Look at him, crying like a girl! Be a man!”
This is what happens when you skip biology in school. Tear ducts are not the differentiating factors for sex determination, guys.
Girl wearing pink: “Looks good”.
Guy wearing pink: “That’s such a gay color”.
Superhero kids’ toys for boys: “Awesome”.
Barbie dolls for girls: “Distorting the female body image for young girls!”
By the way, anyone seen Superman’s body lately?
Short girl: Ignore.
Short guy: “Bechara! Hope he grows tall”.
His life is over, do taveez for his vertical growth.
Flirtatious guy: “He’s so charming!”
Flirtatious girl: “Slut!”
Keep your husband away from that churail or she’ll seduce him and that innocent bunny will be compelled to cheat.
Guy swearing in public: “Ignore him”
Girl swearing in public: “OMG, so classless!”
Astagfirullah, so bad yaar.
Guy in tiny shorts at a beach: Unless he’s Channing Tatum, no one sees him.
Girl in tiny shorts at a beach: 5000 unsolicited pictures uploaded to Facebook, twitter trending with #slutonbeach and a minimum of one WhatsApp server crash courtesy multiple emergency conversations around “Did you see what she was wearing?!?!”
Also, several ‘journalistic’ reports on multiple websites documenting how #slutonbeach transpired. Page views are everything, bros.
Guy causes a car accident: “Must be drunk”
Girl causes a car accident: “Women and driving, yeh toh hona hi tha”
Women going into space at this point in time but wimmenz, please to stay away from the carz, thankz.
Guy on a date with a girl: “Her parents have no idea what she’s up to!”
Girl on a date with a guy: “Her parents have no idea what she’s up to!”
Guy on first date, doesn’t offer to pay: “Shitface!”
Girl on first date, doesn’t offer to pay: “So what?”
I mean, the guy has to offer otherwise he’s totes a dick, k?
Guy studying creative arts: “Do you want to be poor all your life? How will you ever get married?”
Girl studying creative arts: “What a fantastic option to get a degree while having fun!”
RIP aspirations and dreams.
Guy after graduation: “Found a job yet, beta?”
Girl after graduation: “Enjoying time at home, jaani?”
Jee aunty. Smelling daises and shitting rainbows at the prospect of my upcoming shadi.
‘Beautiful’ girl sitting at home: “Great catch! Mashallah!”
‘Average’ looking girl, getting a degree/working a great job: “Hope someone picks her. Pehla acha rishta milay toh kar dena!”
My dream in life is to be a housewife, have lots of kids and take care of my family: “Awww, cute”.
My dream in life is to be a house husband, have lots of kids and take care of my family: *Five chapairs and therapist on speed dial*
Don’t allow guys even the option of wanting something like that. Nip it in the bud.
Unmarried guy at 27: “Mashallah, he’s building his life!”
Unmarried girl at 27: “She’s too picky, won’t get married if she keeps up like this”.
Theek baat hai yaar.
Unmarried guy at 40: “Hmmm, wonder when he’ll get married….”
Unmarried girl at 40: “Who’s going to marry her?”
‘Average’ looking guy with ‘pretty’ girl: “Larka theek hai”
‘Average’ looking girl with ‘good looking’ guy: “What did he see in her?”
Maybe the dad has money, you know.
Guy standard for getting married: Decent job, earns well.
Girl standard for getting married: Looks good.
Guy gets married, doesn’t know how to cook: Goes unnoticed.
Girl gets married, doesn’t know how to cook: “Your mom didn’t teach you how to cook?”
Mom also successfully thrown under the bus.
Married couple with a messy home, comments about the guy: “How does he tolerate this mess?”
Married couple with a messy home, comments about the girl: “Her mom didn’t teach her anything!”
Mom still under bus.
Husband doing house chores: “He helps her out so much! HAYE!”
Wife doing house chores: It’s been over 2 million years since the human civilization and no one’s noticed women doing house chores so far.
Husband ‘helps’. Woman does. *Slow clap*
Wife takes husband’s last name: “How sweet!”
Husband takes wife’s last name: “HAIN????….????”
Chop off your balls after this perpetration of societal incivility.
Husband with a temper: “Guys are like that! Learn to handle them”.
Wife with a temper: “What a bitch”.
Guy going to work without breakfast: “Wife should’ve given it to him! Bhooka gaya bechara!”
Girl going to work without breakfast: “Working women need to plan their schedule better”
Girls, please, prepare yourself better for the paratha olympics. If you don’t feed your adult husband, he will starve to death and die, right next to your tawa.
Wife shows husband affection: Goes unnoticed.
Husband shows wife affection: “Whipped”.
Showing your wife affection? Amateur, pfft.
Guy calls mother-in-law twice a year to wish on birthday and Eid: “Sweet! Pyaara bacha!”
Girl calls mother-in-law twice a week: “Thora aur phone kar lo toh kya ho jayega tumhara?!”
Answer: Pait main dard.
Guy loud-mouthed in front of his in-laws: “He’s so comfortable with them! Zabardast!”
Girl loud-mouthed in front of her in-laws: “Haye haye, she’s so disrespectful!”
Mother-in-law’s daughter annoyed with her own in-laws: “They’re assholes with my daughter! Keeray parain!”
Mother-in-law doing same thing to her own daughter-in-law: “Kya hua, beta?”
Guy’s mom visits couple for 6 months: “Second home!”
Girl’s mom visits couple for 6 months: “Yeh toh ja kar baith hi gayeen?”
Very bad, aunty, betay ke ghar jaa kar rukain na.
Man good with his kids: “What a loving dad!”
Woman good with her kids: Ignore.
Man coming home late from work and meeting the kids for five mins: “Busy guy!”
Woman doing the same: “Negligent mom!”
Rules apply to everyone but papa.
Guy out with friends once a week, kids at home with wife: “Boys night out? Oh ok!”
Girl out with friends once a week, kids at home with husband: “HAIN? Strange mom to leave her kids so much!?”
Women are supposed to be the torchbearers of life-consuming mom guilt aur inko dekho.
Husband has superior privileges in life to his wife (going out more, sees kids less, doesn’t participate in house chores): Goes unnoticed.
Wife has equal privileges in life to her husband (going out just as much as husband, sees kids the same, splits house chores): “Her husband must be really great to tolerate all of that!”
Women supporting women. *earth-shattering applause*
Happy couple, comments about the guy: “What an amazing husband!”
Happy couple, comments about the girl: “You should thank God for him and take care of him!”
If you don’t fall on the prayer mat with such a vengeance that your legs break, you aren’t grateful enough. DO IT THE RIGHT WAY.
Unkept husband: Goes unnoticed.
Unkept wife: “You should dress up for your husband. Chor deyga!”.
The secret to a happy marriage right there.
Girl who cooks: “So what’s new?”
Guy who cooks: “Haye, where do we find such a guy?”
Har restaurant ke kitchen main milayga. You’re welcome.
Dad works all the time, kids are brats: No comments.
Mom works all the time, kids are brats: “Focus on her career ruined her kids”.
Poor kids. Such a terrible role model of an independent, self sufficient female to have in their life. Tragic.
Girl comes home after a long day of work, cooks, does the laundry, checks on the kids, does the dishes while husband sits on a couch busy with his phone: Goes unnoticed.
Guy comes home after a long day of work, cooks, does the laundry, checks on the kids, does the dishes while wife sits on a couch busy with her phone: Shock waves violently shake up society, the relationship falls to pieces and less than or equal to one member from the guy’s family sets himself on fire for this grand injustice.
Rude child in public with dad: “Poor guy, the kid is being a handful”.
Rude child in public with mom: “She really should discipline him better”.
Couple with kids: “Complete family!”
Couple without kids: “Don’t you feel incomplete???”
Steal their bacha and pretend you don’t know what they’re talking about.
Couple can’t have kids, comments about the guy: “Doosri shaadi kar leni chahiye. Bachay ke baghair zinadagi adhoori hai”.
Couple can’t have kids, comments about the girl: “She’s bad luck”.
Science hai, kisi se bhi pooch lo.
Stay-at-home wife: Standard. Not worth discussing.
Stay-at-home husband: Must be gay, lazy and/or a wuss. Makes its way into high ranks of gossip.
So basically, no man can choose to live a stay-at-home life if his wife is willing and able to support him.
Terrible wife: “Kick her out!”
Terrible husband: “Sabar karo! He will change!”
Try poisoning him and see if it helps.
Divorced guy: “Wonder what happened!”
Divorced female: “She should have kept the family together!”
These liberated, modern girls chasing their happiness…..Tsk, tsk.
Divorced guy with custody of kids: “The ex-wife must be a piece of work! And now he’s taking care of the kids!”
Divorced female with custody of kids: “Toh aur kaun kareyga!”
Yeh lo toffee.
Stepdad: “What a great guy to accept someone else’s kids!”
Stepmom: “Part of the deal. Bas shukar karo shadi hogayi”.
Mashallah, God is great.
Working woman: Busy, driven.
Stay-at-home mom: “What does she do all day??”
Probably plans your assassination.
Stay-at-home mom: “She loves her kids so much”
Working mom: “Her kids must be so neglected!”
Unless they’re growing extra limbs and/or bleeding profusively, let other people’s kids be.
Woman voluntarily with kids: Warm, loving
Woman voluntarily without kids: Cold, stone-hearted
Guy in a bad mood: “Must be stressed…”
Girl in a bad mood: “Must be on her period”
Yes of course, women menstruate 30 days a month.
Guy working 12 hours a day: “Such a hardworking chap”.
Girl working 12 hours a day: “Theek hai, but pretty sure her work can’t be as hard. Aur sunao?”
Hi face, meet chappal.
Guy with strong opinions: “Intelligent! Knows his mind!”
Girl with strong opinions: “Oh god, talks too much. So annoying”.
Seriously, issay chup karao yaar.
Guy gets promoted by a male boss: “He was always a star performer. Well deserved!”
Girl gets promoted by a male boss: “She’s hot/Boss is tharki/Hass has ke baat karti hai/anything that’s not related to a stellar performance
Smart women are a tough pill to swallow. I understand.
Guy stands up for women’s rights: “He’s so hot, man!”
Girl stands up for women’s rights: “Yaar, she’s such an annoying feminist type”.
Feminist? Yuck thoo.
Older guy with younger girl: “Gold-digger”
Older woman with younger guy: “Cradle snatcher”
Basically, there’s a certain window for you to fall in love. If you miss it, get a cat.
Husband earning more than wife: Ignore.
Wife earning more than husband: “Doesn’t he feel insecure?”
Of course. Science has proven that men’s balls shrink by 35% when their wives earn more than them. So women should pretend to be extra stupid to counter organ shrinkage.
Guy making money: “Must be supporting family!”
Girl making money: “Must be making pocket money”.
Yes, most women work to pay for boob jobs. To look good. So they can get married. And can keep their husbands.
Guy with career ambitions: Motivated, driven
Girl with career ambitions: Cold, non-family oriented
Hashtag fast girls.
Guy: Tough life
Girl: Easy life
Girl: Supporting Cast
It’s sad how we live with this nonsense and often even participate in silly jokes that perpetuate these stereotypes. I’ve been training myself to not immediately respond to stuff like this with a douchebag reaction (years of social conditioning will do that to you). We should all make that a life mission. If you want, add yours in the comments too and join me in eradicating this nasty epidemic from our planet
Note: Stupid comments will not be deleted so other people can also judge you.