Let's Talk Divorce?

Tuesday, January 03, 2017 The Desi Wonder Woman 32 Comments

So I'm looking for all of us to do something together.

Over the last couple of years, I've been reached out to by so many girls in unhappy marriages who want to opt out but don't know where to begin. I'm not talking situations where the in-laws are cranky on weekends, or there's a less than ideal husband. These are girls who're denied basic rights of life and don't feel respected by the family they live with. In some cases, they don't even have support from their own parents/siblings to come back if they need to and/or don't have the means to support themselves on their own.

SO.

I want to put together stuff that can help able women, in unfortunate circumstances, find their way to their real home: whether that's on their own, with their parents or in a new relationship.

Here's what I'd love to get from you guys - the smallest piece of information could go a long way.

1. A divorce counsel who can help me put together a simple post on a basic understanding of how to seek divorce in Pakistan, how to manage child custody, what to do if you don't have the right to divorce, etc. Even before I started the blog, I remember having come across quite a few women trying to find out the steps to get started and not knowing where to look. I want this to be their starting point and not feel lost.

2.  Any information on hostels, organizations that help divorced women seek shelter if they don't work on their own and don't have family support to go back home to. I'm mostly interested in Pakistan but I am open to getting this information about ANY city in the world.

3. Organizations that help divorced women build a life for themselves through salaried jobs

4. Real life stories of women who have been divorced and provide inspiration to other women on how they have managed after. I don't care about picture perfect stories. I'd love to hear if you're still finding your way. These can be from anyone, any nationality, anywhere in the world.

5. Anything else related to divorce that you think would be meaningful.

These posts are not going to be depressing and sucking the life out of all of us. I want to change the perception of divorce from something ugly and stigmatizing to a courageous and positive action. Divorced people can be happy people, people who choose life over everything else, and together we'll all establish that.

Comment here or just email me at thedesiwonderwoman@gmail.com.

Which relationship fits which category, this is something only the individual can decide. I cannot decipher for you whether your relationship is great, manageable or toxic. I can only provide context and material to an adult who wants to make an informed decision, which is what I hope I'll be able to do.

Keeping a relationship together that you consider healthy, whether that's romantic or not, should always be a priority. When there are road bumps, we don't ditch best friends or family in an instant, so naturally no one should be impulsive about a spouse as well. However, a toxic relationship is a toxic relationship and nobody should stay in one - for their own self and if there are children, then for them too.

I'll be waiting for your comments. Let's make some kickass content that will change lives. 

32 comments :

  1. Time and time and time and time again you prove to me why you are the best Pakistani blogger on the planet. No one talks about this stuff!! Your work ethic and commitment to your job is amazing! More power to you and I'll help you out as much as I can. Saba

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    1. Thank you so much for such kind words. THANKYOU.

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  2. Agree with saba above. What a much-needed step from you. Respect! *claps*
    I don't know the answers to any questions abover but I DO know that you'll definitely make a difference in the lives of many women. More power to you :)

    - Maheen A

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  3. I wish best of luck to u and all of the help seeking women who have no clues what to do.... Who find themselves trapped in a world which is so unkind and irrespectful for them.....best of luck would love to read it....

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  4. I know number of friends / friends of friends who went through divorce. I talk with them , time is a healer...but still there wasn't any counselling or outside help available. It was family and friends in all cases I know that come together to help in this time of crisis . I believe that rehabilitation takes a lot of time. Even moving towards a new relationship once again is an uphill task. Now my personal experience; I am married to someone who was once in relationship with a divorcee . And she was bitter in her life and damaged the mental state of my husband too. It took a lot of my effort and sacrifice during initial year of our marriage that make our relationship stable and finally brought us together from the core .

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    1. Totally agree with you. Counseling is much required, something which is considered frivolous in our society. Hope to get some interesting insight on this too.

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  5. Beautiful .. thats all id say. Respect

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  6. Haven't been divorced yet! But unfortunately going through a very unhappy marriage. Zero support from family, since it's a love marriage I should stick to it now matter what.
    Even tried to commit suicide last month but nothing changed
    Glad you bought this up!

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    1. Dear, do everything but do not commit suicide. Use your courage & patience and re-build yourself. If your family is not supporting you at the moment, try to find a way to get financially independent. Get the help of your friends to overcome your emotional imbalances. A best and supporting friend can do big to boost your emotional confidence. Once you get financially independent and confident, you can cross difficulties with less pain.

      Rubab

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    2. I really hope to get some meaningful stuff together. But for now, I'll tell you that no matter how terrible someone makes your circumstances for you, you should never consider giving up YOUR life because of someone else. I really hope you have the strength to handle this and always, always remember you can find a way to fix a problem that doesn't result in you taking something away that belongs to you.

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  7. Hi. Kulsoom here :)
    I am divorcee for last 8 years and I would be grateful if you can let me share my story.

    I will ask friends and other circles to help you find counselor help.

    Thanks.

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  8. Can I share mine too :p :p ??

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  9. I have been through a nadty divorce which probed to be an asset for me. All of the questions and information portals that you have asked for are valid. I am more than happy to help with such women to move forward and make it a life changing step in a positive way. And of course counselling for children and parting parents is critical too.

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  10. Shehzeen so very proud of you to bring this up! People are picture perfect on social media while in real life it isnt the case. In real life they need help.

    I am the result of the most forethought matter when it comes to a divorce. The child. You can hear it from a child's perspective and also a woman's when she had no education to support herself but she took the step anyway. Nothing is worse than mental abuse.

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  11. Thanks for bringing up these questions on a platform. I do not hesitate to talk about divorce and related issues. However, there are many people who do. I would like to add on one more question: "at time of admission of your children in schools what do you write in section of father's details? Leave it blank or write guardians/grand father details? In my case I don't know where the father is currently living or doing - hence??"

    Sumbul

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  12. I've written a bunch of columns about abuse and divorce, don't know if they'll be what you're looking for but I'm happy to have you repost them here!

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  13. Yes Shehzeen I have first hand experience of divorce and soon after that the Mashallah perfect marriage ever. would love to write to create awareness. Please reply to my email if you want me to write an article on this topic. I wud love to. Waiting.

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    1. I think you've already emailed me? If not, please do :)

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  14. Hi, I went through a divorce recently and I would say it was nasty as my ex was using our daughter as a source for mental abuse for me and my family.I would really like to read the post about how women supported themselves after divorce and how there children reacted with the separation.

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  15. Grrrreat and much needed initiative! Sucks I can't give you any useful advice/info :/

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  16. Grrrreat and much needed initiative! Sucks I can't give you any useful advice/info :/

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