Double Standards

Thursday, September 01, 2016 The Desi Wonder Woman 32 Comments

Double standards. Fascinating, aren't they? Sometimes due to a lack of testicular organs, sometimes a product of the clash of the ovaries. Whatever the glorious reason, they stink up our lives, are archaic AF and need to go.

So I curated this list of some double standards we've all been guilty of at one point or the other: Same situation, different people, opposite reaction. I'll list a situation and then the stereotypical response that usually follows. OBVIOUSLY, I'M GENERALIZING AND NOT EVERYONE DOES THAT SO DON'T BE A KABOOTAR and read on.

Disclaimer: I'm not dissing any gender. I'm dissing the stereotype because the double standard bazooka is fired by both men and women alike. So please be chillin' like a villain and let's use the following information to improve our collective lives.

I apologize for all the Urdu words I've used in this post. I'm sorry to all those who cannot understand. *insert begging for forgiveness*

Let's go.

Brother pulls shit at home: "Boys will be boys".
Sister does the same: "Stop this. What are you going to do when you're married?" 
The girl is 12 but shadi boot camp needs to start early.

Girl crying: "Aww baby! What happened?" 
Guy crying: "Look at him, crying like a girl! Be a man!"
This is what happens when you skip biology in school. Tear ducts are not the differentiating factors for sex determination, guys.

Girl wearing pink: "Looks good".
Guy wearing pink: "That's such a gay color".
YA. 

Superhero kids' toys for boys: "Awesome".
Barbie dolls for girls: "Distorting the female body image for young girls!"
By the way, anyone seen Superman's body lately?

Short girl: Ignore.
Short guy: "Bechara! Hope he grows tall".
His life is over, do taveez for his vertical growth.

Flirtatious guy: "He's so charming!"
Flirtatious girl: "Slut!"
Keep your husband away from that churail or she'll seduce him and that innocent bunny will be forced to cheat.

Guy swearing in public: "Ignore him"
Girl swearing in public: "OMG, so classless!"
Astagfirullah, so bad na.

Guy in tiny shorts at a beach: Unless he's Channing Tatum, no one sees him.
Girl in tiny shorts at a beach: 5000 unsolicited pictures uploaded to Facebook, twitter trending with #slutonbeach and a minimum of one WhatsApp server crash courtesy multiple emergency conversations around "Did you see what she was wearing?!?!"
Also, several 'journalistic' reports on multiple websites documenting how #slutonbeach transpired. Page views are everything, bros.

Guy causes a car accident: "Must be drunk"
Girl causes a car accident: "Women and driving, yeh toh hona hi tha"
Women going into space at this point in time but wimmenz, please to stay away from the carz, thankz.

Guy on a date with a girl: "Her parents have no idea what she's up to!"
Girl on a date with a guy: "Her parents have no idea what she's up to!"
Hashtag laanat.

Guy on first date, doesn't offer to pay: "Shitface!"
Girl on first date, doesn't offer to pay: "So what?"
I mean, the guy has to offer otherwise he's totes a dick.

Guy studying creative arts: "Do you want to be poor all your life? How will you ever get married?"
Girl studying creative arts: "What a fantastic option to get a degree while having fun!"
RIP aspirations and dreams.

Guy after graduation: "Found a job yet, beta?"
Girl after graduation: "Enjoying time at home, jaani?"
Jee aunty. Smelling daises and shitting rainbows at the prospect of my upcoming shadi.

'Beautiful' girl sitting at home: "Great catch! Mashallah!"
'Average' looking girl, getting a degree/working a great job: "Hope someone picks her. Pehla acha rishta milay toh kar dena!"
Solid advice, bros.

My dream in life is to be a housewife, have lots of kids and take care of my family: "Awww, cute".
My dream in life is to be a house husband, have lots of kids and take care of my family: *Five chapairs and therapist on speed dial*
Don't allow guys even the option of wanting something like that. Nip it in the bud.

Unmarried guy at 27: "Mashallah, he's building his life!"
Unmarried girl at 27: "She's too picky, won't get married if she keeps up like this".
Bilkul.

Unmarried guy at 40: "Hmmm, wonder when he'll get married...."
Unmarried girl at 40: "Who's going to marry her?"
#Bechari

'Average' looking guy with 'pretty' girl: "Larka theek hai"
'Average' looking girl with 'good looking' guy: "What did he see in her?"
Maybe the dad has money. You know.

Guy standard for getting married: Decent job, earns well.
Girl standard for getting married: Looks good.
#MARRIAGEGOALS

Guy gets married, doesn't know how to cook: Goes unnoticed.
Girl gets married, doesn't know how to cook: "Your mom didn't teach you how to cook?"
Mom also successfully thrown under the bus.

Married couple with a messy home, comments about the guy: "How does he tolerate this mess?"
Married couple with a messy home, comments about the girl: "Her mom didn't teach her anything!"
Mom still under bus.

Husband doing house chores: "He helps her out so much! HAYE!"
Wife doing house chores: It's been over 2 million years since the human civilization and no one's noticed women doing house chores so far.
Husband 'helps'. Woman does. *Slow clap*

Wife takes husband's last name: "How sweet!"
Husband takes wife's last name: "HAIN????....????"
Chop off your balls after this perpetration of societal incivility.

Husband with a temper: "Guys are like that! Learn to handle them".
Wife with a temper: "What a bitch".
Valid point.

Guy going to work without breakfast: "Wife should've given it to him! Bhooka gaya bechara!"
Girl going to work without breakfast: "Working women need to plan their schedule better"
Girls, PLEASE, prepare yourself better for the paratha olympics. If you don't feed your adult husband, he will starve to death and die.

Wife shows husband affection: Goes unnoticed.
Husband shows wife affection: "Whipped".
Showing your wife affection? Amateur, pfft.

Guy calls mother-in-law twice a year to wish on birthday and Eid: "Sweet!"
Girl calls mother-in-law twice a week: "Thora aur phone kar lo toh kya ho jayega tumhara?!"
Answer: Pait main dard.

Guy loud-mouthed in front of his in-laws: "He's so comfortable with them! Zabardast!"  
Girl loud-mouthed in front of her in-laws: "Haye haye, she's so disrespectful!"

Mother-in-law's daughter annoyed with her own in-laws: "They're assholes with my daughter! Keeray parain!" 
Mother-in-law doing same thing to her own daughter-in-law: "Kya hua, beta?"
Mummy, please.

Guy's mom visits couple for 6 months: "Second home!"
Girl's mom visits couple for 6 months: "Yeh toh ja kar baith hi gayeen?"
Very bad, girls' mom.

Man good with his kids: "What a loving dad!"
Woman good with her kids: Ignore.

Man coming home late from work and meeting the kids for five mins: "Busy guy!"
Woman doing the same: "Negligent mom!"
Rules apply to everyone but papa.

Guy out with friends once a week, kids at home with wife: "Boys night out? Oh ok!"
Girl out with friends once a week, kids at home with husband: "HAIN? Strange mom to leave her kids so much!?"
Women are supposed to be the torchbearers of life-consuming mom guilt aur inko dekho.

Husband has superior privileges in life to his wife (going out more, sees kids less, doesn't participate in house chores): Goes unnoticed.
Wife has equal privileges in life to her husband (going out just as much as husband, sees kids the same, splits house chores): "Her husband must be really great to tolerate all of that!"
Women supporting women. *applause*

Happy couple, comments about the guy: "What an amazing husband!"
Happy couple, comments about the girl: "You should thank God for him and take care of him!"
If you don't fall on the prayer mat with such a vengeance that your legs break, you aren't grateful enough. DO IT THE RIGHT WAY.

Unkept husband: Goes unnoticed.
Unkept wife: "You should dress up for your husband. Chor deyga!".
The secret to a happy marriage right there.

Guy who cooks: "Haye, where do we find such a guy?"
Girl who cooks: "So what's new?"
Toss a laxative in this person's food. You'll feel better.

Dad works all the time, kids are brats: No comments.
Mom works all the time, kids are brats: "Focus on her career ruined her kids".
Poor kids. Such a terrible role model of an independent, self sufficient female to have in their life. Tragic.

Girl comes home after a long day of work, cooks, does the laundry, checks on the kids, does the dishes while husband sits on a couch busy with his phone: Goes unnoticed.
Guy comes home after a long day of work, cooks, does the laundry, checks on the kids, does the dishes while wife sits on a couch busy with her phone: Shock waves violently shake up society, the relationship falls to pieces and less than or equal to one member from the guy's family sets himself on fire for this grand injustice.

Rude child in public with dad: "Poor guy, the kid is being a handful".
Rude child in public with mom: "She really should discipline him better". 
Totes agree.

Couple with kids: "Complete family!"
Couple without kids: "Don't you feel incomplete???"
Steal their bacha and pretend you don't know what they're talking about.

Couple can't have kids, comments about the guy: "Doosri shaadi kar leni chahiye. Bachay ke baghair zinadagi adhoori hai".
Couple can't have kids, comments about the girl: "She's bad luck".
Mindblowing logic.

Stay-at-home wife: Standard. Not worth discussing.
Stay-at-home husband: Must be gay, lazy and/or a wuss. Makes its way into high ranks of gossip.
So basically, no man can choose to live a stay-at-home life if his wife is willing and able to support him.

Terrible wife: "Kick her out!"
Terrible husband: "Sabar karo! He will change!"
Try poisoning him and see if it helps.

Divorced guy: "Wonder what happened!"
Divorced female: "She should have kept the family together!"
These liberated, modern girls chasing their happiness.....Tsk, tsk.

Divorced guy with custody of kids: "The ex-wife must be a piece of work! And now he's taking care of the kids!"
Divorced female with custody of kids: "Toh aur kaun kareyga!"
Yeh lo toffee.

Stepdad: "What a great guy to accept someone else's kids!"
Stepmom: "Part of the deal. Bas shukar karo shadi hogayi".
God is great.

Working woman: Busy, driven.
Stay-at-home mom: "What does she do all day??"
Probably plans your assassination.

Stay-at-home mom: "She loves her kids so much"
Working mom: "Her kids must be so neglected!"
Unless they're growing extra limbs and/or bleeding profusively, let other people's kids be.

Woman voluntarily with kids: Warm, loving
Woman voluntarily without kids: Cold, stone-hearted
OBVIO.

Guy in a bad mood: "Must be stressed..."
Girl in a bad mood: "Must be on her period"
Yes of course, women menstruate 30 days a month.

Guy working 12 hours a day: "Such a hardworking chap".
Girl working 12 hours a day: "Theek hai, but pretty sure her work can't be as hard. Aur sunao?"
Hi face, meet chappal.

Guy with strong opinions: "Intelligent! Knows his mind!"
Girl with strong opinions: "Oh god, talks too much. So annoying".
Chup karao yaar!

Guy gets promoted by a male boss: "He was always a star performer. Well deserved!"
Girl gets promoted by a male boss: "She's hot/Boss is tharki/Hass has ke baat karti hai/anything that's not related to a stellar performance
Smart women are a tough pill to swallow. I understand.

Guy stands up for women's rights: "He's so hot, man!"
Girl stands up for women's rights: "Yaar, she's such an annoying feminist type".
Feminist? Yuck thoo.

Older guy with younger girl: "Gold-digger"
Older woman with younger guy: "Cradle snatcher"
Basically, there's a certain window for you to fall in love. If you miss it, get a cat.

Husband earning more than wife: Ignore.
Wife earning more than husband: "Doesn't he feel insecure?"
Of course. Science has proven that men's balls shrink by 35% when their wives earn more than them. So women should pretend to be extra stupid to counter organ shrinkage.

Guy making money: "Must be supporting family!"
Girl making money: "Must be making pocket money".
Yes, most women work to pay for boob jobs. So they can get married. And/or keep their husbands.

Guy with career ambitions: Motivated, driven
Girl with career ambitions: Cold, non-family oriented
Hashtag fast girls.

Guy: Tough life
Girl: Easy life

Guy: Hero
Girl: Supporting Cast

It's sad how we live with this nonsense and often even participate in silly jokes that perpetuate these stereotypes. I've been training myself like a ninja to not immediately respond to stuff like this with a douchebag reaction (years of social conditioning will do that to you). We should all make that a life mission. If you want, add yours in the comments too and join me in eradicating this nasty epidemic from our planet.

Disclaimer: Stupid comments will not be deleted so other people can also judge you.

32 comments :

  1. I died laughing. I D.I.E.D. This is my dead body commenting! *tears of laughter*

    You made it into such a good read. Loved it. MADE my day totally!

    Wish people change their minds soon, else I will be soon seen on the roads with daggers.

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  2. Bows down sobbing with happy tears. Thank you so much for this. Love you so much. Feminist and proud.you are the best.

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  3. Instant best friend type feelz! :')

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  4. That's so true! Everyone needs to read this and realize the hypocrisy we carry around.

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  5. Guy with dark circles: he burns the midnight oil (probably)
    Girl with dark cirles: hae Allah ittny zayada halkay apna itna murjaya hua bootha kuch krwao inka
    Ps my personal experience
    Tall guy : sucha hunk
    Tall girl beragark tum ne heels kea krni tumhe kea zarurat he lambi lago gi uss se. :D

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  6. SO ON POINT. Here's one:
    Married Man Saving money: He's making a future for his family
    Married Woman saving money: She must be planning to leave and have a support for her self.
    Yeah right. When he'll starve, she'd just escape and party! :D

    Another one:
    Guy helping a girl: ye to bas bhai ban jata hai number bananay!
    Girl helping a guy: Is she into him?
    Koi kisi haal me khush nahi!

    3rd and last:
    Woman wearing scarf (but is extremely double standard and judgmental): She must be praying all the time. Such a pure soul.
    Woman with no scarf: They don't have ethics. She's such a spoiled person, pathha nai jannat kaise jaigi!
    Apni tango'n se!

    :D

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  7. Hahahahhaahhaahaah spot on !! Chaaa gaiii 👏👏👏

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  8. HANDS DOWN! THE MOST AMAZING POST IVE EVER READ ON THIS BLOG!!!!! YOURE AWESOME- MY CAPITAL WRITING TELLS YOU HOW MUCH!!!!

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  9. Heheh everything is on point����

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  10. Very well written..love how honestly you described it

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  11. Religius double standard

    Girl goes out with friends (girls and guys)" tauba tauba. Islam larkay larkyon ko is tarah milne se mana karta hai"

    Guy goes out with the same group "wo to larka hai, larlyon ko nahin aana chahye"

    *headwall*

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  12. gawd.. i couldnt stop stop laughing while reading this piece and also endured the weird looks of my colleagues(i am at work). BTW, workplace stereotypes are a whole new domain.
    On a serious note, isnt it funny that all of theses stereotypes are far too familiar for the pakistani/Asian readers? Says a lot about us.
    How about you write something about pakistanis and how thy are viewed abraod?

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  13. I bet if there is traffic jam up in the air, female pilots will be blamed the same way female drivers get their share of the blame. :P

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  14. Good read... I can't imagine the thinking which went into this

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  15. Can't give you enough virtual puppies for this 😂 Seems like if you are smart woman, your life becomes about fighting these double standards. But no one has ever put it so precisely and amazingly.

    Amazing blog. I am your most secret admirer. 😂😂😂

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  16. Once again another absolutely kick ass post. My favorites were the ones about "ignore" cuz we realize the least and also the women to men breakfast and kids one

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  17. "Jee aunty. Smelling daises and shitting rainbows at the prospect of my upcoming shadi."

    TOO GOOD!

    Bloody sad reality these double standards are here to stay for decades to come, but the least we can do is speak up when auntie/uncle spouts any such rubbish!

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  18. My life needed this so much. Uff. You've no idea. Sending the link to EVERYONE I know.
    Tum jiyo hazaron saal! Plus muun mai ghee shakar balkay that falooda that you love!

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  19. hahahahahahah Shehzeen, you made my day!!!! One of the best things I have read in a long while!:D
    Lots of hugs and kisses your way!

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  20. You have given such a powerful message hidden behind such a good dose of humour. I could literally relate to each and every example. Hats off to u. You r my new blogger crush :D

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  21. What a sad reality of our society. And commendable how you made it into humour.

    One from my own MIL
    Son losing hair like autumn leaves: unnoticed
    Saw my hair in the washroom: kuch Karo bohat baal gir rahe hain Vatika Lagao. Oiling Karo.

    Bete Ko bhi laga dein.

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  22. I ABSOLUTLY love this, couldn't have said it any better!!

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  23. This is epic stuff.You have penned everything so beautifully.Mwah.LOVED IT.

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  24. This is the so accurate it's sad.

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  25. OH MY GOD. This post has become my most favourite post. Everything is so on point and it is very sad that people do not even acknowledge how much they hurt others while passing such comments or cracking jokes about things like these.
    Amazing post. (Y)

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  26. Pyari Shehzeen, this post is the coolest one sooo far. Loved each bit of it and enjoyed alot. Agreed 10x.
    High five!!

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  27. Guy: attended the country's top engineering school and is now part of a struggling rock band. "Chalo at least degree toh hai"
    Girl: got the same degree and has an unconventional job with good pay. "Engineering ki seat zaya ki hai"

    Lakh di laanat!

    areejfarooq_

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  28. Hayy......why r the guys so bechara!!! love it

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  29. The best blog I ever read since long.. Thank you shehzeen.. You're a bawse lady..

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